Kako preboleti ljubezen v (hiperpovezani) dobi interneta?

Objavil/a Cosmopolitan .si, dne 2017-02-04 ob 10:30:56
ne_bom_objavila

Priznajte ali ne, vsi smo se vsaj enkrat v življenju nesrečno zaljubili. V osebo, ki nas je nato brezsramno dala ali dal na čevelj ali, še huje (!), v osebo, ki ji ni manjkalo prav nič, razen tega, da bi nam vračala čustev.

Če pogledamo z današnje perspektive, je bilo prebolevanje ljubezenskih težav še pred desetimi leti mala malica.

Enostavno ste izbrisali osovraženo številko, se na široko izogibali krajev, za katere ste predvidevali, da so potencialno "nevarni", in pustili času, da opravi svoje.

Seveda ob občasnem pijanem SMS-u ali podobnem spodrsljaju, zaradi katerega ste se naslednji dan zmačkano tolkli po glavi.

Toda kako se tega lotiti danes?

V današnjem hiperpovezanem, hiberdružabnem, hipermobilnem svetu je težko nekoga izbrisati iz svojega življenja, pa če si to še tako goreče želimo.

Tudi če se odločimo, da omejimo srečanja v resničnem življenju, digitalne sledi določene osebe na nas prežijo iz vsakega kotička spleta in še posebej družabnih omrežij.

Odveč je pojasnjevati, koliko zasebnih podatkov o sebi lahko delimo prek družabnih omrežij – kosilo, nova pričeska, hišni ljubljenčki in intimni občutki v trenutku postanejo javna informacija.

Flirt 2.0

Začne se z nedolžnim všečkom, a se hitro preseli v zasebno sporočilo. Kmalu sporočila postanejo premalo in tako si dolge noči krajšate z dopisovalskimi maratoni – na FB Messengerju, WhatsAppu, Vibru, Skypu ...

Sledijo tviti in statusi brez omembe oseb, ki jih razumete samo vi in vaša simpatija, tiste, ki so jih všečkali kar tako brez zveze, ne da bi razumeli, pa vneto opravljate v zasebnih sporočilih.

Prvi zmenki v živo in skupni check-ini, ki rodijo sočne trače, ob katerih se gromko smejete, in radovedna vprašanja, na katera odgovarjate s skrbno premišljenimi zagonetkami.

Zaljubljeni ste do ušes in sčasoma sprejmete veliko odločitev, da spremenite svoj status na Facebooku.

In potem, kot strela z jasnega – NAPAKA 410. Ljubezen umre, sledi razhod. -> Unfriend, unfollow, block?

Medtem ko se nekateri izbrišejo z vseh seznamov sledilcev in prijateljev vseh možnih oseb, največji skrajneži brišejo tudi svoje profile, tisti nekoliko ponosnejši in nagnjeni k mazohizmu, stoično trpijo in z nobenega omrežja ne izbrišejo svoje bivše ali bivšega, da ne bi slučajno poslali "napačnega" sporočila in s tem pokazali, da so šibkejša, občutljivejša stran.

Če ste med prvimi, se obkrožite z zavezniki, ki vam bodo pošiljali posnetke zaslona profila vaše simpatije, ko boste v krizi (če jih seveda niste že prisilili, da jo/ga v imenu solidarnosti prav tako izbrišejo s seznama prijateljev).

Če spadate med druge, pa pozorno preberite naslednji odstavek.

Začarani krog zalezovanja

Ne zalezujte. Ne zato, ker je to enostavno strašljivo (kljub potihoma sprejeti normi, da je takšno početje čisto v redu, če se z njim ne hvalite javno), temveč predvsem zato, da ne bi škodili sebi.

Zalezovanje je nevaren konjiček in zelo lahko se sprevrže v obsedenost, ki vas bo spremljala dan in noč. Bdeli boste nad nedavno dodanimi prijatelji/prijateljicami, v vsakem YouTubu komadu iskali skriven znak, sledili vsemu, kar všečka in komentira, s kom se prijavlja ... Disciplinirajte se in nehajte!

Zberite misli, pojdite ven, družite se offline.

It's not easy, but it's simple, bi rekel Dr. House.

Če kljub temu podležete skušnjavi, ne bodite tako trapasti, da pustite sledi v obliki naključnega všečka ali pijanega komentarja na profilu svoje žrtve. :)

Javno mučeništvo in »nahajpanost«

Če vam je všeč trpeti javno, boste začeli slediti indie tviterašem, na časovnici izlivati globoke intimnosti in iskati sočutje za svojo bolečino, retvitati mučeniške tvite, vsaka srce in dušo parajoča ljubezenska pesmica pa se vam bo zdela napisana ravno za vas.

Na drugem polu so osebe "jaz sem super", ki bodo z maničnim menjanjem profilnih slik, preveč veselimi statusi in lažnim check-inanjem na noro zabavo, medtem ko na kavču gledajo romantično komedijo in odpirajo tretjo škatlo keksov Domaćica, želeli pokazati, kako so močne, hkrati pa poskušale pri določeni osebi vzbuditi ljubosumje.

Bi tvitnili sočen status brez omembe osebe, samo da se maščujete nekdanji simpatiji? Ne zapravljajte dragocenega časa.

Medtem ko si izmišljate popoln status, ki bi jo/ga privedel nazaj v vaš objem, on ali ona verjetno pošilja virtualne poljube nekomu drugemu in vašega dela ne bo niti prebrala ali prebral, če pa ga že prebere, vas bo ignorirala ali ignoriral, vi pa boste še nesrečnejši.

Zato bodite diskretni, ostanite digitalna dama ali gospod, in ne objavljajte ničesar, zaradi česar bi vam lahko bilo pozneje žal, pred vsakim statusom pa dobro premislite, ali bi enako izjavili tudi pred dvorano, v kateri sedi 500 ljudi.

Ne? Molk je zlato.

Torej, očitno je, da prebolevanje nesrečne ljubezni v hiperpovezani sedanjosti zahteva ogromno digitalne discipline in samonadzora, zato trenirajte in, kot pred desetimi leti, zaupajte času, ki bo poskrbel, da ta epizoda zbledi in postane šala, o kateri boste pripovedovali ob posebnih priložnostih.

Ali pa ne tvegajte in se raje zaljubite v »offline« osebo. Če še vedno obstajajo. ;)

Napisala: Ana Eterović Klemenčič,
svetovalka za komunikacijo na družabnih omrežjih in urednica Netokracije Slovenija.
Izvirni članek v hrvaščini je bil objavljen na Netokraciji.

Kako preboleti ljubezen v (hiperpovezani) dobi interneta? - Seks & razmerja - Cosmopolitan Slove

Priznajte ali ne, vsi smo se vsaj enkrat v življenju nesrečno zaljubili. V osebo, ki nas je nato brezsramno dala ali dal na čevelj ali, še huje (!), v osebo...

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