Moški drži, ženska ne da

Objavil/a Dajana Babič, dne 2014-03-02 ob 14:31:03

*naslov sem skombinirala iz simpatičnega srbskega izreka "drš-ne daj" kar pomeni... da se dva kregata

Kdo je moja duša dvojčica? Mogoče Bojan, ki všečka moje slike na FB-ju? Mogoče Adnan, ki mi piše ob njegovih dveh zjutraj iz Bombaya? Mogoče Peter, ki je dvajset let mlajši od mene? Ali Pavel, ki je dvajset let starejši? Mogoče tisti, ki mi piše mejle... ne preveč in ne premalo, da si ne bom "kaj" mislila.. Ali je Joe iz juga ZDA, ki mi vedno napopa zvezdico, karkoli objavim na twitterju, ali Michael iz Glasgowa... ali Vlado Kreslin, saj sem si z njim "dopisovala" pred 30 leti... ali...ojojojojoj, v koliko moških sem bila že zaljubljena... in kdo je On? Ali si ti, ali si ti, ali ti ali ti?  

Pred nekaj dnevi sem prišla do velikega spoznanja. Veliko stvari, ki jih imam z moškimi je moj "vzorec obnašanja", ki ga nosim od prej. Obnašala sem se nekako tako... pojavi se nek tipček... takoj vidim, da je nekaj "več" kot na drugih (na twitterju ali na FB-ju) in se greva pogovarjat privatno. Vse štima... sva na isti valovni dolžini. On sicer ima ženo, s katero je poročen samo na "papirju"... ali pa je "v razmerju" in škoda, ker se nisva srečala prej... ali ni iz istega kraja, ali... karkoli pač, da se ne moreva srečati "takoj". No... "takoj"... saj vem, da so zdaj drugi časi in se nekje dva srečata, se pogovarjata dve uri, potem pa že spita skupaj. Jaz ne morem tako hitro...

Iz začetnega navdušenja se hitro spremeni v odvisnost. Ali mi on stalno komentira, ali jaz njemu, ali sem jaz užaljena in ga blokiram ali on mene... Lahko se vse skupaj spremeni v obsedenost. Imela sem nekoga, ki je dve leti objavljal moje poste na svojem blogu, ker je mislil, da bo tako privlekel mojo pozornost. Tisti seveda še ni prišel iz otroškega vrtca in jaz sem imela res slabo samopodobo, da sem to prenašala toliko časa. Pač bi šla stran od tam in to je to.Nekateri ljudje si res ne morejo pomagati.

Zakaj moški, ki je poročen vseeno "visi" na Facebooku in se pogovarja z drugimi ženskami? Tudi take bolj "žmohtne" reči...Pač... tako smo narejeni. Ne moremo iz svoje kože. Privlačimo se. To je igra.

Seveda lahko postane vse zelo zelo bolno. Seveda nimajo vsi tega "vzorca". Veliko pa se mi zdi da jih ima... Za primer bom navedla mojo zadnjo ljubezensko zgodbo. Sicer sem tipčka "snela" z interneta. Ko sva se pogovarjala po netu, se je delal iz moje tipkovnice ogenj. Midva sva bila eno. Umirala sva od želje po drugem. Po trimesečnem poznanstvu na internetu sva začela živeti skupaj. Moram reči, da je bilo nekaj časa res fajn, potem pa se je začelo... ti si čist podobna moji bivši... pol pa pejt k njej nazaj... poglej, kako si debela... itd.itd (res ne bi šla v detajle...). Čez tri leta vleke iz ene strani na drugo je tipček čez noč pobegnil. K drugi. 

Kaj se je zgodilo... glede na to, da sem ga prej ignorirala in ker ni pustil nobene sledi za sabo, sem ga zdaj začela zasledovati. Zasledovala sem njegovo žensko na internetu in potem odkrila, da je tista, ki piše grde komentarje o meni na mojem blogu ona...

Tak bolni odnos je trajal kar nekaj mesecev, saj si nisem znala pomagati. Nisem se mogla otresti misli o tem, da me je on pustil in da sem jaz uboga in da jaz zaradi tega nikoli več ne bom z nobenim drugim moškim. Šla sem skozi pekel. Imela sem napade panike. Dejansko sem se tresla, če sem videla kje njen komentar. Njegovega komentarja nisem mogla prepoznati, saj je stalno spreminjal vzdevke, da ga ne bi prepoznala, a je komentiral pri meni. Bila sem paranoična, maščevalna, ljubosumna, bolna... Nekajkrat sem grdo komentirala na blogu, kjer je ona komentirala. Potrebovala sem dejansko tri leta, da sem se rešila te odvisnosti. Bila sem na neki delavnici, kjer sem vprašala, zakaj se mi to dogaja... odgovor je bil... ker nimam dovolj dobre samopodobe, ker nisem povezana sama s sabo in ker imam ranjeno srce (saj veš, srčna čakra, voditeljica me milo pogleda in se mi nasmehne...). To, kar se je dogajalo z njim ni imelo zveze z mojo situacijo, samo spomnilo me je na situacijo v otroštvu, ko sem bila zapuščena. In ne, ne bom več skupaj s tem moškim. On je bil pač eden izmed mojih "nepravih" partnerjev.

Napadi panike so prenehali. Šla sem na twitter, kjer se je moj ego izredno povečal, kar naenkrat sem imela potencialne ženine vsepovsod. Kar je bila spet odvisnost v drugo smer. V te ljudi se dejansko zaljubiš... Zanimivo, kaj se dogaja... ni dovolj samo prijazen pozdrav, nadaljuje se na privatnih sporočilih. In kaj reči nekomu, ki ti je všeč, pa stanuje na drugem koncu sveta? Na koncu koncev... v bistvu je nekaj možnosti, da se vidita, a kaj je z vsem ostalim? Takoj, ko se vidita, postane dolgčas...

V čem je potem štos? Najti nekoga, ki je na tvoji valovni dolžini, s katerim ti je lahko tudi dolgčas.

In kako? Tako, da delaš nekaj, kar ti je zelo zelo všeč in potem se bo to veselje enostavno preselilo na vsa področja tvojega življenja, tudi tista, ki niso čisto "v redu". Ko boš pozabil, da potrebuješ nekoga, potem bo ta človek prišel.

Ne pa tako, da stalno jamraš, kako bogi si in kako si osamljen in kako si nesrečen. Mi vsi tako radi jamramo, da nas imam že na sumu, da nismo srečni, če nismo nesrečni.

Za komentiranje morate biti prijavljeni.
Dajana Babič
0
Mar 02, 2014
Miro... hvala :)
#6
Miro Zalokar
0
Mar 02, 2014
Dons sem slišal stavek: "Ker znam biti sama, sem lahko tudi v zvezi s tabo." Nekaj je tud na temu, drugače pa spet fajn napisano, Dajana!
#5
Dajana Babič
0
Mar 02, 2014
marko in ivanka... hvala <3
#4
ivanka gantar
0
Mar 02, 2014
Bravo Dajana, zelo zanimivo in realno napisano.
#3
marko kragelj7
0
Mar 02, 2014
zanimivo, zato je tudi življenje zanimivo, ker ne vemo, kaj bo jutri pa veliko sreče želim !!!! Je pa res, da se veliko moških boji razgledanih in samostojnih žensk....
#2
Petr
0
Mar 02, 2014
Dobro napisano. :)
#1
Dajana  Babič
Dajana Babič
Objavil/a 2014-03-02 14:31:03 (Mar 02, 2014)
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