It happened at once. In Ljubljana it was very hot… It was like 37 degrees outside and it was the hottest day in the year. 

So… I was “writing”… but not really. I was on twitter and talking to my tweeps… I was posting something about love and so on… I felt very good. At once, I noticed, that one guy followed me. Nice face, cap like from Che Guevara… We started to talk (= to text) and we went “to separee” (what means – we went to speak in DMs, that not everybody could see, what we text).

I told him before already that I am very tired from this heat and I am very sleepy. I actually was not anymore, after I talked to him.

He was so sweet. He asked me if I am a writer. I answered kind of. I gave him to read my texts which are on my blog and asked him to tell me what he thinks about my writing.

He said that my writing is honest, that I have “balls” and that I need to continue to write. My book in English is still not finished… O God I am hounted by unfinished books…

We already said good night, but then I anyway asked him, what’s his name. And how old is he. He seemed to me younger. I was afraid that he would say 30. He said 42. Thanks God.

Then… I already wanted to go again and he said… that he is lonely. How can such a sweet man be lonely. I thought that just women over fifty with kids, who went through helll like me are lonely.

He said that he is lonely. He just sees his girlfriedn twice  a year. She is married with somebody else and doesn’t live in this town.

… strange… I could talk to him whole night. He said it’s so hard, cause we feel each other so close, but we are so far away… This is what happenes to me on internet. I can feel the presence of another person. I felt a presence of him.

Then he said, that he needs a rest, so we said goodnight.

Then I was alone and I was thinking… not again… what if he wants to see me… I have no money… I have this and that wrong… What I was doing is, I was telling what is wrong, why I could not be with him.

So… I blocked him. I did that lots of times already. When a person approach to me, when he came very close I had a panic attack and run away.

It was a hard night. Very hot. I didn’t sleep a lot. I was thinking… what I am doing with my life. First I am so happy to meet a man. He has always a message… this was about my writings. I asked my angels to send me a help to write my books till the end.

Why I always tend to destroy everything before “anything” can happen at all.

Because of fear.

So… I survived the night.

In the morning, I went to see at his site. He didn’t write anything. Then after a few hours I unblocked him. He “came” at once and thank me for that.

I was happy. I found a music which helps me writing and told him, that I will write a post with the title “A cloud from Bombay”.

That’s why I am writing this. Finally I have a passion to continue to write…