9.4.2010

7:00 The clock radio starts emitting its disgusting beep (I can't tune the radio, something is broken...). I've been up before, basically I haven't slept at all since four o'clock... Lately I've been sleeping poorly... three to four hours a night, I found an Egyptian invocation that gives me a lot of energy - maybe that's why... Ah, just kidding... Mainly, I don't sleep much... And now it's seven o'clock. Get up.... get up, wake up my two little ones, who are already so big. And my Big one. Tamaučica is 134 cm tall (she told me this information while walking to school later, they measured themselves at gym class), and Tamauček is... a little smaller than her. Hansel and Gretel. Oh, how cute they are when they wake up in the morning. How they chirp, how they squirm, how they strech... How they don't want to get up. Like two squealing bugs. Oh, what a wonderful feeling it is to see children waking up. What would I do if they weren't there? Ah, I would think of something...

I go to the living room, where I check if clothes is already dry (I put it on the radiator overnight). I go to the kitchen to make coffee and bake cookies for Tamauček (girls don't eat in the morning). Squealing can be heard from the room: "Mommy, mommy, come to me, cuddle, cuddle..."

Well, I'm going to see if they're already dressed. The Big One is now sleeping in her room again. All of a sudden she panics, because she has a performance in school in an hour. She doesn't say anything... but I know... I feel her. The three of us are giggling, I still have to get dressed, we have to go to school and Big one is going later. The two of them are already ready – steady...

"Where's my chick?"

"The one you got for Easter? Take it quickly and put it in your pocket, rather than in your bag, so that it doesn't fall out of your backpack and break." Chicken is saying: pee-pee, Tamauček is saying:pee-pee... oh, how cute this baby is, I will just eat it once...

7:20 Tavelika tells me to write her an excuse for not being in school. I am writing.

7:25 Tavelika tells me that her teacher's name is Nedved, not Medved as I wrote (invented name). Oh, well, how is a person supposed to remember all the names with three children and a million teachers. I apologized. Tamaučica is fixing the final stage of his hairstyle, he is cleaning his ears with ear sticks (we have made a daily ritual since one classmate told him that his ears are dirty... it happens...).

7:40 I follow them to school, I always run after them, I usually catch them on the second crossing of the road... We always meet first the Beautiful Lady whom I learned to greet, at first we didn't even greet each other, but then I started to greet her, because we always met and because it is clear that she lives somewhere nearby and has a child in our school... She is my "measure" for what time it is... if the Beautiful Lady crossed the first road, means I'm already very late. The Beautiful Lady was still before the first road, so I'm not that terribly late. I saw the two near the shop which is in the middle of the way to school, so... we can breathe easyly, we'll be there on time.

7:55 I catch up with them and we talk and joke. We meet our old acquaintances. Just like every day. Everyone has to go to school, bro. We now know their rhythm by heart anyway. First we meet the Beautiful Lady, who is always so serious, but is nice,  then we meet a kid from the school who lives nearby and is walking... Thanks God we are not the only one who are walking. Then we meet an elderly lady who is also friendly and greets us, then we meet the father of classmate T., then one woman who has two children at school, but she never greets... And ... we're almost at school. We usually arrive a minute before eight, so I always tell the little one to change his shoes quickly and go to the first floor, where he has a class, so he won't be late. Bye, bye Tamauček, he waves back.

I'm still barely able to kiss Tamauček somewhere secretly (because of course he's embarrassed in front of the others, I wonder if anyone would see...)... and... I'm going out... I'll wave at Tamaučica too... and bye school for now...

I remember my Tavelika and how we sang yesterday late into the evening: "All -I -want- is -a-room- somewhere..." And she will sing this at school today at an event at nine o'clock. I walk home and I can barely move...I am so exausted...  I'm just asking myself why I don't have a bike or at least rollerblades to move faster. I think of my big girl and where she had already performed and how well she sings, how we "dragged" her to the ballet in Vienna when the two little ones were still in a pram... how I worked hard around her... Oh, I could write novels about what already happened with her.

I meet her in front of the home buildings. She is dressed strangely (I don't know if she's ever been dressed to my liking, lately she's been wearing black socks and shorts over a sweater). I tell her to go home to change her clothes, she can't perform like that, nooooooo... And she says to me: "Mom, are you coming to listen to me? Mom, are you coming to listen to me?" And I said to her: "You're going to change your clothes! You're going to change your clothes!” We were like two parrots passing each other...

8:19 I come home. I think to myself that I still have a lot of time. If I feel like it, I can go listen to her. It starts at nine, right?

Then I mumble, what do I know, what am I doing... when all of a sudden it is 8:49!!!!!!

8:49 "Well, you're going to go watch your daughter, your princess, who sings so beautifully. And she asked you to come listen to her!" (a voice tells me). Ugh, I still have plenty of time.

Voice: "You don't even have enough time - even by chance, Dajana, because you know that you are ALWAYS always always always always TOO LATE!!! Because you still have to... take the garbage down, vacuum the rooms, sweep, wash the windows, hang the laundry etc.etc.etc.

OK, I finally kick myself out of the apartment and run down the road and it seems to me that it's almost nine o'clock... I won't describe how I got to school... I came into school and I heard the principal's speech, I think, maybe this is just beginning and…

I'm in the hall. I look at the clock: 9:15!

I'm looking for my Tavelika with my eyes. She stands there by the "stage". I wave at her. There is a crowd of people in the lobby, slowly moving towards the stairs. I realized: I AM LATE! IT'S ALREADY OVER! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

So why do you come at all if you're late? (voice) I wanted to make my daughter happy!

I went to her. She is all nervous: "Mom, I made a mistake. Were you there? Did you hear? I'm going home. I have to go home!!!!"

I can't answer anything, because all she did was: "zviiiiiz"... and she was already out. I am running after her and call her (there are a million people, buses, cars around...etc): "Iza, Iza, wait, what happened, I'm going home too. Let's go together".

She dissapeard.

What to do? I came for nothing (my children would say). And... I'm going home... What should I do?

I came home at 9:27. She wasn't there yet. I was thinking what hapened, what happened... 

Someone knocks at 10:42. She came with a classmate. No signs of excitement anymore. Chatting. Giggling. Laughter. Fifteen-year-old girls. So... all is good. She said that she did a mistake, which nobody noticed. The earth is spinning forward again. And I even wrote this post to the end. Wow, I can't believe it. ;)

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Tavelika, Iza, Big One = my oldest daughter

Tamaučica = my younger daughter

Tamauček = my son