When I was in Vienna, I was not really me. Not just that I was controlled by scientology who is all time checking if you are sure that nothing in the world exists except scientology and everything else is just an enemy to be fight for... But I was also married to a man, who was a staff there and who I had to be very careful because you can be very easy proclaimed as "suppressive person". That means that you have to cut all ties with your familly members. I was in such trouble... I had three children with two men from scientology, my second husband was strangling me every second night, because I was not quiet when my two year old son was screaming in the night. In scn you need to be quiet when someone is in pain since everything goes into subconsious mind... I was pregnant again and I misscaried in third mounth pregnancy... I was overwhelmed... tired from kids, ftired from false husbands, tired from life and everthing...

I just wanted to escape from there. And I got a way from Universe how!

I got internet in the year 2003. Immediatelly I became friends with people who were writing comments under the articles of online newspapers. There was one man who I connected and who we talk every night when I was free. My husband was grumpy and true believer that scientology is going to save us. There was no sense of arguing with him. And our life had to be exactly like that L.Ron Hubbard was preaching in his writings. So, I had to pretend that it was the same with me, otherwise he could write Knowledge Report and send me to Ethics or whatever. 

With the continuing on-line story with this person, I told him in what situation I am and he said that he will come and bring me and my kids to Ljubljana at my mother's place. There was also a problem, because my mother has to not think that we are coming for good, we just are coming for a week vacation. But he said - don't worry, I will find you a place where we can live.

Our plan was build in the summer of 2005. I told my husband that I will go back to Ljubljana, that I could not stay here anymore. He was attacking me in the night some times in September in October. So, I was sure that I wanted to go away from him. I signed the paper, that I took my little children out of kindergarten. They stay till the end of October. Oh my God, I had such a lump of pain in my stomach when I did that. My older daughter was in the first class of junior high school - and I left this to her father to coordinate, she has familly in Vienna on the part of her father.  

The whole of October I was like on thorns. I was chatting whole days with this guy who will come to save me. He was sending me poetry, how he loves me and so on. I was blinded by his words which I craved so much. My husband never told me anything nice. But somethimes, after he attacked me in the night, I came back from kindergarten in the morning and he apologised for yesterday and he had tears in his eyes... then I was not sure anymore if I want to go... And the most horrible thing was that I will pull our kids away from him. I was splited and miserable. When I told him, that kids will go in the kindergarten just to the end of October, he was in schock. I was in shock. 

And he came. One thing is to talk with a person on internet, the other is to see him live. We went on a walk, my husband was with kids. All suitcases were prepared long ago. After our walk, I went to take kids and laugages, we put them into car. My son started to cry, he didn't wanted to be separated from his father. My husband was crying. I was crying.

But we went and were in four hours in Ljubljana.

In one month we were in a new flat. Kids got enrolled in a kindergarten in vicinity. Just my biger daughter went back to Vienna with the promise that she will come back for Christmass and I had to enroll her in a school.

She came for Christmass back, but her father took her. She did the whole year in Vienna and after it was the school year over I could not take her back, I needed to have another court session and permission of the judge, since she stated on court that she would rather stay with her father. But after she was with us in summer she change her mind. She came to live with us and was going into school here.

In september 2006 I was divorced from my husband. My kids were seeing him at the beginnig tho times a year, then frequently... It was very hard at the beginning, but then we all learned how to accomadate. My son didn't talk properly till his fourth year. He still holds grudges about me separating him from his father. After we had phones and skype, they could talk with him any time. I have always taught my children to be independent, so they went alone to see his father with train at the age of 12 and 13!

Everything settled down somehow. The relation with the person who saved me ended in October 2008, when he betrayed me with a woman who he married two mounths later. Can you imagine it? I was on the ground. It was like someone ran over me and my intestines were coming out of my stomach. I was going through hell. And in five years I heard that he sexually abused my daughter and that I didn't even notice, even if there were signs all over!

Life is going on if we want that or not. And we can hate ourselves or love ourselves. In Slovenian there is a proverb which sais: "To kar te ne ubije, te okrepi!" - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!