121. dan: Labod ali grdi raček

Objavil/a Klavdija Hiti, dne 2015-07-16 ob 23:19:04

Že dolgo časa mi je labod ena najlepših živali. Ko sem pričela iskati vzroke zakaj, sem prišla do ugotovitve, ker je tako graciozen, lep, bel, popoln. Večkrat pa pomislim tudi na zgodbo Grdi raček. To je mladič laboda, ki ga nihče nima rad, ker je drugačen, siv, ko pa odraste in postane labod pa ga vsi občudujejo. Tudi sama se počutim kot grdi raček. Občutek imam, da me nima nihče rad, da ne spadam med te ljudi. 

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila se imeti za grdega račka, saj je taka primerjava brezpredmetna, ker jaz sem človek, labod pa je žival, in to se ne more primerjati v razvoju, čeprav sva oba živa bitja.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila primerjati svoj življanjski razvoj z labodom, ki ima popolnoma drugačnega, saj ljudje spadamo med sesalce, labod pa med ptiče.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila imeti laboda, ker je žival, za manj od sebe, ker sem človek.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila imeti laboda, ker je tako lep in popoln za nekaj več od sebe, saj sama sem nepopolna, ničvredna, občutek imam, da me ljudje zaničujejo, kot so zaničevali v zgodbi grdega račka, ker je bil drugačen od drugih.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da sem nepopolna, saj taka kot sem sem takšna, kot moram biti in to sem jaz.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da sem ničvredna, saj nisem preveč priljubljena v družbi.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila predvidevati, da me ljudje zaničujejo, ker se ne družijo z mano, kar ni res, saj ne morem povezovati zaničevanja s tem, ali se ljudje družijo s tabo ali ne.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da je bil črni raček nepopularen, ker je bil siv/črn, ter je ta barva slabšalna tudi pri ljudeh, saj naj bi bili črnci manj vredni, uporabljali so jih za sužnje in tako dalje.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da so črnci manj vredni, slabši, manj izobraženi. Ko se zavem, da verjamem, da so črnci manj vredni, slabši, manj izobraženi, se ustavim in diham. Zavedam se, da so vsi ljudje enakopravni, ne glede na barvo kože. Vsi ljudje imajo lahko samo osnovno šolo ali pa so zelo izobraženi in to ni odvisno od barve polti, ampak od posameznika. Zavezujem se, da ne delim ljudi glede na barvo kože.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da je labod popoln, ker je bele barve, saj bela je barva nedolžnosti, vsaj v naši kulturi in tudi belci naj bi bili več vredni, včasih so kraljeve dame pazile, da so imele belo polt, ker to je kazalo kako visoko so na hirarhični lestvici.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da so belci pomembnejši od drugih ljudi, sploh tisti z belo poltjo, kar pa sploh ni res, saj smo vsi ljudje enakopravni, ne glede kake barve smo.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila se imeti za grdega račka, saj sem imela slabe trenutke in sem upala na izboljšanje, da bi se spremenila v laboda, ki se mi je iz dneva v dan oddaljeval.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila se imeti za črnega račka, ker sem upala, da se bo moje počutje spremenilo in bom zadihala kot čisto prerojena, kot labod.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila upati, da bo nekoč nekaj iz mene, da bodo starši ponosni name, me podpirali, ter da bi zaživela tudi sama.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da vse kar počnem, da počnem zaradi staršev, da bodo ponosni nase, ne pa zaradi sebe, da bom bila ponosna nase.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da šele ko bom labod, da me bodo starši opazili in imeli radi.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da nisem dovolj dobra, da me bodo starši sprejeli tako kot sem.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila biti ujetnik svojih prepričanj in misli, da nisem dovolj dobra,

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da nisem dovolj dobra.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila verjeti, da sem dovolj dobra šele takrat, ko bodo starši ponosni name.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila se bati verjeti, da sem že sedaj labod, ki je najboljši v vsem sijaju na svojem področju, tako kot drugi labodi, ki vsak sije po svoje in smo vsi enaki.

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Klavdija Hiti
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