124. dan: Partnerstvo

Objavil/a Klavdija Hiti, dne 2015-08-08 ob 00:15:54

V eni izmed vaj sem napisala, da ko bom se imela rada, da bo prišel partner in takoj sem dobila odziv mentorja, da to ne gre tako in sledilo je takoj spreminjanje miselnih vzorcev, saj samoodpuščanja to tudi so. Napisala sem sledeče: 

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila imeti željo po nekom, ki bi hotel biti z mano. Ko se zavem, da imam željo po nekom, ki bi hotel biti z mano, se ustavim in diham. Zavedam se, da je to moja skrita želja in upanje, zaradi katerega potem sledi skrb, žalost, razočaranje in prelaganje odgovornosti za sprejemanje in ljubezen do samega sebe na nekoga drugega. Zavezujem se, da nimam želje po vezi in s tem ne predlagam odgovornost na druge, ampak se imam prvo rada sebe, šele nato imam željo po vezi z drugimi.

Sedaj pa bom nadaljevala v tej smeri in še bolj vse skupaj razčlenila, ter šla v podrobnosti, saj želeti si nekoga in ga potem ne dobiti vodi v razočaranje, ki je čustvo. Čustvo pa nastane takrat, ko se naše predstave ne ujemajo z realnostjo.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila se bati, da če bom sama, da bom osamljena. Ko se zavem, da se bojim, da če bom sama, da bom osamljena, se ustavim in diham. Zavedam se da biti sam in biti osamljen ni isto, saj če si sam ni nujno da si osamljen, sploh če si čustveno stabilen, če pa nisi čustveno stabilen, pa si lahko tudi v družbi osamljen. Zavezujem se, da bom delala na tem, da bom čustveno stabilna, saj bom tako lažje sprejela sebe in ne bom več toliko odvisna od družbe in bližine drugih.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila imeti željo po partnerju, čeprav še nisem dovolj čustveno stabilna. Ko se zavem, da imam željo po partnerju, čeprav še nisem dovolj čustveno stabilna, se ustavim in diham. Zavedam se, da biti z nekom zahteva komunikacijo in delo na sebi, ter biti enakopraven z drugo osebo s katero si v vezi, kar pa vse skupaj sploh ni tako enostavno. Zavezujem se, da si ne želim partnerja, dokler ne bom popolnoma pripravljena nanj.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila imeti željo po partnerju ker si želim ob sebi neko osebo s katero bri preživljala čas in bi se nanjo obrnila ob vseh problemih, ki bi mogoče kdaj nastali in bi mi partner pomagal da premagam težave in probleme, vendar težave in pobleme lahko tudi sedaj premagam sama, ker sem edino jaz tisti človek, ki lahko reši svoje težave in probleme.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila imeti željo po partnerju, ker bi se tako lahko dopolnjevala in skupaj uživala v lepih in manj lepih trenutkih. Ko se zavem, da imam željo po partnerju, ker bi se tako lahko dopolnjevala in skupaj uživala v lepih in manj lepih trenutkih, se ustavim in diham. Zavedam se, da sem jaz celota in mi ni potrebno se z nikomur dopolnjevat, saj si lahko dam vse, kar si želim in mislim, da ne morem imeti, ker tistega nisem sposobna, samo samoiskrena moram biti s sabo in ugotoviti kaj si resnično želim od partnerja in mislim, da meni manjka in si ne morem dati. Zavezujem se, da ne razmišljam, da potrebujem nekoga, da bi se dopolnjevala, ker vsak človek je celota.

Odpustim si, da sem sprejela in si dovolila imeti željo po partnerju zato, ker so mi tako govorili starši in ker sta starša par, ter je v družini in ožjem sorodstvu več parov, zato moram imeti tudi jaz partnerja, da ne bom izjema in da bom se potem poročila in imela otroka, kakor je pri nas v tradiciji, saj se mora rod nadaljevati, čeprav v resnici ni nobene potrebe po temu in lahko brez problema ostanem samska in brez otrok in ne bo nič narobe, saj mi nihče ne more vsiljevati svoje volje, ampak delam po svoji volji in tako, da je dobro za vse.

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