Moje portretiranje

Objavil/a Roman Vodeb, dne 2021-02-07 ob 10:13:30


Takole sem se razpizdil na FB, ko sem delil nek "spomin" - video izpre dveh let:

"8. februar?! Ku(ltu)rac pa še Prešeren! Pokvarjenec je - pri svojih 36 letih - 13-letno Ano Jelovšek pecal in "deklici" nafukal tri otroke. In zdaj ga slavimo?! Še dobro, da imamo dan njegove smrti (in ne rojstva!) za Kulturni dan."

Zdaj pa še par besed o moji slikarski oz. risarski "umetnosti":

Nekoč me je bivši minister Zoran Poznič – sicer (nekoč) dober slikar in kipar – resno vprašal, zakaj raje ne rišem oz. slika(ri)m, torej portretiram, namesto da pišem težke knjige, ki jih (menda) nihče ne razume. Pred kakšnim dvajsetimi leti – ko sem pripravljal samostojno razstavo – sem ga povprašal za mnenje, glede mojih portretov. Bil je kar navdušen, nad mojim risarskim/slikarskim talentom – on je govoril o »umetniškem talentu«. Rekel pa se mu, da se z umetnostjo ne mislim ukvarjati, ker sem premalo frustriran ... Za umetnost je pač treba biti – po mojem mnenju – kar »malce« frustrian oz. (psihično/duševno) »ranjen«. Sam pa se imam za (psihično) trdno osebnosti, zato mi umetnost ni ravno pisana na kožo oz. na dušo. Sem se pa z leti razvil v dobrega teoretika oz. kritika umetnosti – ne samo likovne. Skozi psihoanalizo – torej na Freudovih konceptih – se namreč da veliko povedati o umetnosti (predvsem likovni).

Sem se pa avtoanalitično poglobil tudi v svoje portrete, v svoje »fotografsko« risanje, v svoj (risarski) »realizem«. Moja psih(oanalit)ična »analnost«, kot bi rekel Freud, mi omogoča vso to natančnost, ki je potrebna pri portretiranju, kjer si kiksov risar-portretist ne more privoščiti. Takšna natančnost pa je moja odlika tudi pri proučevanju človekove duševnosti. Namreč: kadar »svetujem« oz. (psiho)terapiram, se poglabljam v najbolj skrite, pogosto tudi »prepovedane« miselne detajle svojih »klientov«, svetovancev, »pacientov«. Nenazadnje tudi ure in ure trmasto vztrajam, ko se za »analni karakter« spodobi, ko rišem obrazne detajle nekega portreta. Za en portret potrebujem od 3 do 6 ur (odvisno od frizure portretiranke) in od »širine nasmeha« (in števila zob, ki jih moram narisati) … (Zadnja leta rišem predvsem črno-bele portrete s svinčnikom.)

Se pa že od nekdaj ukvarjam dejansko (predvsem) s portreti – kar seveda (avtoanalitično) »(raz)berem« kot simptom (kot kategorijo nezavednega). (Tudi pri psihoanalizi se ukvarjam z »glavo«.) Prve prave portrete sem (na)risal v srednji šoli, torej pred 40 leti. Že kot osnovnošolec sem v 4. razredu (za Dan) žena narisal svojo mamo zelo realistično, najboljše oz. najlepše v razredu. No, že v vrtcu sem slovel kot natančen risar. Spomnim se, da so se vzgojiteljice čudile moji natančnosti – in tudi veliko časa sem si vzel, bil potrpežljiv, vztrajno »trmast«, ko sem risal določeno (katerokoli) motiviko. Svoje portrete nikoli nisem razglašal za umetnost, čeprav … Pogosto sem »zadel« psiho tistega, ki sem ga risal, portretiral – seveda, če sem ga poznal – ker sem vedel (tudi nezavedno), »kaj« v resnici rišem. Portretiral sem tudi otroke – predvsem svoje – po Freudovem (psihoanalitičnem) načelu: »Otrok je oče odraslega človeka.« Sicer najraje rišem (lepe/mlade) ženske, kar seveda (avtoanalitično) priznavam, ker gre pač za projekcija nezavedne želje (ki se napaja iz otroštva, ko sem bil deležen pogleda lepe mlade mamice) … Če portretiram po naročilu, moram vsaj približno vedeti za psihično ozadje »glave«, ki jo portretiram … Itd. Itd. Itd.

Tule vam ponujam nekaj mojih portretov, ki so nastali izpod mojega svinčnika pred nekaj leti. In da ne bo pomote: zadnja leta portretiram izključno iz (»čistih«, »ostrih«) fotografiji.

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Feb 10, 2021
Ne zagovarjam F.P. jev odnos do Ane Jelovšek, ga pa postavljam v družbeni kontekst tistega časa, ko so bile služkinje tudi spolno izkoriščane (predvsem od domačih sinov in gospodarjev). Poet je bil v bistvu družbeni outsider zaradi svojih stališč, nazorov in posledično tako rekoč socialni revež. Kar seveda ne opravičuje njegovega seksualnega izkoriščanja Ane, bilo bi bolj pošteno, da bi šel v bordel in pošteno plačal za usluge (kar je morda kdaj pa kdaj tudi storil, potem pa mu je zmanjkalo denarja?) Tudi S. Freud je imel tozadevne zdrse: oplodil naj bi namreč svojo svakinjo in sta problem rešila s splavom v Švici. Pa tudi za svoji sestri se ni pobrigal, ko je pribežal v London pred nacizmom( vir: Lisa Appignanesi, John Forrester : Die Frauen Sigmund Freuds, DTV avgust 1996, Muenchen), kar pa seveda njegove teorije ne ovrže.
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