Tak in drugačen rojstni dan moje tete

Objavil/a Ana Kos, dne 2014-03-01 ob 20:40:44

Danes sem se spomnila, da je na današnji dan bila rojena in čez precej desetletij + eno leto tudi umrla moja teta.


In nekaj želim povedati o tej svoji teti, to, kar me je posebej presenetilo:

Bilo je nekega decembra, prav okrog sv. Miklavža. Nekega nedeljskega dne je prišla na obisk, ona pa morda še ena ali dve njeni sosestri. Tako se reče nunam, kajne. Moja teta je bila nuna, uršulinka, in z njo sta bili še dve sosestri.

Obisk je bil presenečenje, saj smo se sicer kdaj pa kdaj srečevali na mojem rojstnem domu, ki je bil tudi njen rojstni dom. Pa jaz sem včasih prišla na obisk k njej v samostan, tako da so moji otroci potem napolnili dolge in tihe samostanske hodnike "pri uršulinkah" z otroškim čebljanjem, tekanjem, petjem ...

Tistega dne je pa prvič prišla teta na obisk prav k meni, prav v mojo družino.

Ko sem želela s čim postreči, je vse odklonila. No, morda bo popila par požirkov čaja. Dobila sem občutek, da je nekaj posebnega z njo.

Potem je rekla, da ne more jesti in da težko pije.

"Je kaj narobe?"

"Ja, je narobe v trebuhu. Raka imam," je rekla. Mirno, naravno ... pač: sporočila je novico.

Raka?! Ojoj.

Kako jo potolažiti?To je bila moja prva misel.

Spomnila sem se, da smo pred časom fotografirali naše otroke in njo ter ostali dve sestri (ena od njih je bila moja mama), ki so bile edine še žive od vseh 14 otrok, kolikor se jih je rodilo v družini. Stekla sem po fotografijo, z veseljem jo je pogledala in mi jo dala nazaj.

"Lahko je vaša, " sem rekla.

"Jaz ne potrebujem več tega," je rekla. "Jaz se moram pripraviti na odhod od tukaj. Nič takega ne bom vzela s seboj."

Tisti trenutek sem vedela, da mi je ni potrebno tolažiti. Tisti trenutek sem spoznala, da je pripravljena! Pripravljena, da odide od tu.

Potem je vzela nahrbtnik, ki ga je imela s seboj, v njem je imela par materialnih stvari, ki jih je imela, ter razdelila našim otrokom.

Potem je mirno in spokojno počasi odšla.

Obiskala sem jo še parkrat. Da je niso dali v bolnišnico, na infuzijo, se je trudila in po malem pila. Tako je želela ostati v samostanu, med sosestrami. Bila je otroško zaupljiva in vdana.

Tedaj sem pomislila, koliko ljudi nima take sreče, da bi lahko umirali v miru in med svojimi.

V jamo z njeno krsto sem vrgla cvetoče veje češnje z njenega in tudi mojega rojstnega doma. Zima je polomila češnjo in jaz sem z umirajoče češnje odlomila nekaj vej, ki so se potem razcvetele ...

In tako sem se danes še posebej spominjala te svoje tete. To, kako je mirno sporočila svojo novico o raku, je večen spomin nanjo.

Bom jaz tako mirna, ko bom na tem?

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1
Komentarji
17
Ana Kos
0
Mar 02, 2017
Anka, kakšno prednost pred nami imajo nune ... Na nek način so na varnem in svobodne ... Če le imajo med sosestrami še kakšno prijateljico, je pa sploh lepo ...

Vsak od nas ima svojo pot ...

BTB
#17
Anka Klemenčič
0
Mar 01, 2017
Blagor ji! Priznam, da ji kar malo zavidam to spokojnost ! Ana, hvala za to zgodbo!
#16
Ana Kos
0
Mar 02, 2014
Branko, se ti zdi, da se ljudje na splošno ne pogovarjajo veliko o smrti?
Hm?
Meni se zdi, da je precej enostavno govoriti an splošno ... ampak govoriti o lastni verjetno bližnji smrti ali pa o bližnji smrti svojih dragih je pa zelo drugače.
Ampak sama sem deležna marsičesa zelo lepega prav na tem področju ...
#15
Ana Kos
1
Mar 02, 2014
Dajana,
ja, najbolje je "umirjati se" se sam s seboj danes ... tukaj, zdaj, dan za dnem.
Skrivati človeku, kako zelo je bolan, po moje ni prav.
Potem lahko človeku zmanjka časa, da bi naredil kaj zares dobrega. Da bi kakšne stvari popravil. S kakšnimi ljudmi uredil odnose ...
Na tem področju je nekakšna pionirka Elizabeth Kübler Ross. Mislim, da je bila onkologinja, vsekakor je bila zdravnica - bolnikom je začela pripovedovati o bolezni naravnost ... tako, kot je.

Sama se mnogokrat vprašam, koliko vplivamo s takimi drugačnimi mislimi na zdravstveno stanje bolnika ... Ali na svoje.
#14
Ana Kos
0
Mar 02, 2014
Aleksandra, najlepša hvala!
Zdi se mi, da je to nekaj nebeško lepega! :)
#13
Komentar izbrisal uporabnik
Ana Kos
0
Mar 02, 2014
Lea, po moje nihče ne ve.
Saj ne more vedeti.
In če ima hudo diagnozo, potem traja tako kot bolezen sama v različnih fazah, tudi soočanje z njo in sprejemanja zdravstenega stanja v fazah. Sprejemanja, zanikanje, strahovi, jeza ... vse to verjetno doživlja skoraj vsak človek ... morda čisto vsak, če ni že "strašno" star.
Ampak na ven pri mnogih ni vse videti.
#11
Ana Kos
0
Mar 02, 2014
VinKos, res, vsak dan!
#10
Ana Kos
0
Mar 02, 2014
Dušan, mi poveš, česa si se bal?
Mene je teta čisto pretresla. Tedaj.
V resnici je smrt nekakšna skrivnost. Ker navsezadnje ne vemo, kaj bo potem.
Saj kristjani recimo govorimo o nebesih, ampak - po moje - nihče ne ve, kako natančno naj bi to bilo.
Jaz itak govorim, da so nebesa med nami, kadar se imamo radi!

Verjetno je tako, da ko pride pravi čas, odidemo ... ne glede na na vse. Ko pride čas.
Kot listki odletijo ...
Joj, poiščem o listku Timiju, tako luštna knjigica je to!
#9
Branko Gaber
0
Mar 02, 2014
Jaz se o tem raje čim manj pogovarjam, ali sploh mislim na to. Na splošno se mi zdi, da ljudje o tem ne govorimo.
#8
Dajana Babič
0
Mar 02, 2014
Ana, po moje je pomembno, da se začne človek pomirjati s tem, kako živi že prej. Glede drame mislim na to... moj oče je umiral za rakom, moja sestra mi tega sploh ni povedala, kakšno diagnozo ima... mogoče bi mu drugače pomagala... Vse se je držalo v tajnosti, lagali smo mu, kam bo vse šel, pa je bilo vsakomur jasno, da je bil na koncu. Mislim na tiste laži, ko je človek terminalno bolan - tako kot tvoja teta - in se mu potem laže , zato, da bi se to omililo. Pa ni nič drugega kot prehod v nekaj lepega. Še vedno imamo smrt za nekaj strašnega, pa to ni!
#7
Ana Kos
1
Mar 02, 2014
Dajana,
po eni strani je to čisto preprosto. Po drugi strani pa ni ... vsaj če pogledam na to, kar doživljam ob tem, ko sem z umirajočimi.
Tako kot duhovnik lahko čudovito pridiga, pa morda v praksi tistega ne zna čisto živeti, ali pa zdravnik zelo dobro zdravi druge, pa sam bolan ... itd ... tako tudi o smrti razmišljamo, morda celo učimo, a ko bomo sami umirali, bo morda to nekaj zelo novega ...? Kaj vemo.
Jaz sem uspešno učila sosedo v bolniški sobi dihanja med porodom - se mi je prišla zahvalit, ko je drugič rodila - jaz sme jo učila pred drugim porodom .... potem sem pa šla rodit jaz, ampak čeprav sem uspela dobro naučiti sosedo, sama nisem znala svojega znanja spraviti v prakso ...
Smrt je čisto za vsakega nova preizkušnja.
Tako doživljam.
#6
Aleksandra Veble Veble
1
Mar 02, 2014
Ana, hvala za lep spomin na vašo teto. Kadarkoli bom ugledala cvetočo češnjo se bom spomnila na njo. Naj počiva v miru. Njena plemenita odločitev mora biti nam vsem v pogum. Amen.
#5
Lea199
0
Mar 01, 2014
Lepo si napisala, Ana.
Trenutno ne vem, kako bi sama sprejela tako diagnozo. To bom vedela, ko me dohiti. Zavedam pa se, da smo vsi umrljivi.
Lp, Lea
#4
VinKos
0
Mar 01, 2014
Ta tvoja teta je živela v miru (s seboj) in ravno tako odšla . . . vsak dan je
priprava, bolj ali manj resna, na edino zagotovljen "prizor" - odhod . . .
#3
Dušan Mirić
2
Mar 01, 2014
Ana!Takole ni te teme obdelal po moje nihče-malo sem zadrževal sapo,pa na koncu sem imel čisto sproščen obraz in vse drugo.Samo polna vere in zaupanja je lahko odšla tako mirna in spokojna.Ko pride moj čas,bom upal odgovoriti ali zmorem,danes bi bilo neumnost,ker nisem še pripravljen.Ali pa nimam zaupanja in vere-ne vem.Ni me strah,saj sem bil na pragu že nekajkrat,samo vedno sem stopil nazaj v bivanje-nimam toliko zaupanja kot ti,Dajana in to občudujem.To gradi mir,ki je potreben za miren,lahek prehod.
#2
Dajana Babič
2
Mar 01, 2014
Kako krasna zgodba, Ana. Skoraj vsi delajo iz smrti strahovito dramo.

Hvala. :)

Če boš ti pomirjena, pa je samo od tebe odvisno. Pač posloviš se od vseh, narediš za druge, kar lahko... znebiš se vseh reči in greš. V miru. :)

In tam te čaka mir, radost, veselje... :)
#1
Ana Kos
Ana Kos
Objavil/a 2014-03-01 20:40:44 (Mar 01, 2014)
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