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Objavil/a Tadeja Virant, dne 2014-11-01 ob 18:00:23

Ena najtežjih stvari, ki jih je treba storiti potem, ko ti nekdo umre, je pospraviti njegove osebne reči in obleke.
To sem morala storiti dvakrat, najprej za Vojkom, 6 let kasneje še za mami.
To je zares hudo.
Že tako je človek ves razbolen od žalosti in bolečine, ko pa začneš brskati po njegovi/njenih rečeh, sortirati obleke in razmišljati komu ali kam jih boš podarila, se brezno spominov ponovno odpre in vse naenkrat butne vate.
Človek, kot je bil še živ, se pojavi pred t...eboj. Začutiš njegovo energijo in zavonjaš njegov vonj...obenem pa dobro veš, da ga ni več in ga nikoli več ne bo.
Preklemansko boli.
Jokaš, tuliš..
Potem greš in si natočiš malo alkohola, misleč, da boš tako lažje prišla skozi, da boš malo otopela in boš spregledala vse znake, ki so pričali, da je včasih živel človek, ki si ga imela rada in da sedaj pospravljaš za njim.
Malo morgen, še huje boli.
Vzameš njegove obleke, ki še niso bile oprane, se zakoplješ v njih in hlipaš.
To so zadnji trenutki, ko si z njim, potem, ko ga fizično že ni več.
In gledaš njegove rokovnike, beležnice ter iščeš v njih kakršnekoli znak, sporočilo zate, besede pripadnosti in ljubezni, pozdrav z onega sveta...
Govorila sem z ženskami, ki še več let po smrti niso mogle pospraviti za ljubljeno osebo. Ki so čuvale omare polne oblek, jih vsake toliko časa odprle, pogledale in se izgubljale v njih. Zataknjene v svojih čustvih. Kot da bi se mrtvemu izneverile, če bi odstranile njegove reči. Ali pa kot da z njihovim zadrževanjem pričakujejo, da se nekoč spet vrne in jih najde ter uporabi.
Jaz sem to naredila relativno hitro, po nekaj mesecih. Nisem mogla več gledati teh osebnih reči, zbujale so premočna čustva.
Upam, da mi nikoli več ne bo treba pospravljati za umrlo mi drago osebo. Da umrem, preden umrejo moji dragi.

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Všeč mi je
2
Komentarji
7
Tadeja Virant
1
Nov 03, 2014
Ana Kos, hvala
#7
masad masad
1
Nov 02, 2014
Lepo opisano.

Osebno mislim, da se s tem, da se stvari podarijo, včasih celo odpeljejo na odpad, spomin na osebo NE DA izbrisati. Je pa prav, da se stvari podarijo, saj mrtvemu vsekakor ne služijo več.

Možno je sicer, da se osebe zaradi tega, ker predmeti/obleka niso več na očeh, malo manjkrat spomnimo.

Prepričan sem tudi, da se ne da toliko kontrolirati podzavest, da se dogodkov/pokojnih oseb ne spominjamo, čeprav bi si to mogoče želeli.

Zadnje teorije celo govorijo o tem, da so poskusi odrivati spomine, jih blokirati, celo namenoma pozabljati, praviloma neuspešni.

Že za poskuse gre mnogo preveč energije.

Spominom se je, ko naspreplavijo, smiselno prepuščati. Saj odidejo. Ampak se spet vrnejo, ko se jim zdi, pa naj nam je prav, ali ne...

100% (samo)kontrola pa itak ni smiselna. Ker potem ne bi čutili lakote, žalosti, poželenja, jeze, zavisti.

Bi bili neke vrste robotki.
Kar smo mnogi (zaradi izjemne manipulacije z nami) že itak...
#6
Ana Kos
1
Nov 02, 2014
Jaz sem za mamo pospravila hitro, morda čez dva tedna, mesec dni ... nesla njene obleke eni preprosti ženici blizu nas ... bila je tako vesela! In bila je ravno tako preprosta kot moja mama. Ko je moja mama ležala na parah, je "lonala".
Sem vzela nekaj stvari zase ... Eneih par rut in njeno svetinjo, ko ej bila članica Marijine družbe ...

Drugih na tak način bližnjih, da bi za njimi pospravljala, še nisem izgubila. Za nerojenimi otroci ni bilo za pospraviti oblek, posteljic, igračk ...
Ne vem, kako bo, če bom še kdaj za kom pospravljala. Gotovo bi za marikom dosti težje, kot sme za mamo ... Čutila sem že nekaj mesecev, da je mama bolj "tam" kot tukaj ... Pa ni bila bolna dlje časa ... recimo, da je dozorela ...

P.S.: Izredno lep zapis.
#5
Klavdija Hiti
1
Nov 01, 2014
Sama ne morem iti po 7 mesecih v babičino sobo, pa po 9 mesecih se še vedno ne morem usesti na kavč, kjer je ležal mrtev dedek, čeprav bi se lahko usedla, vendar nisem zbrala poguma, sem pa dolgo čutila, da še vedno leži na tistem kavču in da bi se usedla nanj.
#4
Branko Gaber
1
Nov 01, 2014
Za zamisliti se.
#3
Dajana Babič
1
Nov 01, 2014
Moja mama ima v omari še vedno vse tatove uniforme.
#2
Dajana Babič
1
Nov 01, 2014
A veš, da sem ravno danes premišljevala, kaj ostane za človekom. Še vedno je naše stanovanje polno tatovih reči...
#1
Tadeja Virant
Tadeja Virant
Objavil/a 2014-11-01 18:00:23 (Nov 01, 2014)
Starejša objava Novejša objava
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Življenje je igra. Igraj se.
Mogoče sva se RKC in jaz v mojem srcu spravili. Mogoče.
Enkrat sem že umrl..
Velika noč, velika potrošnja
Ona/e in jaz
Zaupanje
Zima bela... vrh gore sedela
"Dom"
9.6.2014, Na poti iz Logatca proti Planinskemu polju (slov.Jakobova pot)
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